Approaching a stranger is nerve-wracking, but the benefits can be worth the short-term anxiety.
- Relive a confident moment. If you're feeling down on yourself, others will sense it. Pretending you like yourself doesn't fool people either. Instead, "remember the last time you were shining inside and out, and your body will be responsive," says therapist Erika Hilliard.
- Eye contact shows respect. To make a good first impression, maintain a relaxed posture and warm, engaging eye contact. By meeting someone's eyes, you're showing that your mind is not someplace else. To soften your gaze, move your eyes lightly around the person's face, says relationship coach Susan Rabin.
- Say anything. To break the ice, comment on some detail about the environment around you, says psychologist Bernardo Carducci. Your purpose is simply to signal your willingness to talk. "People think they have to be witty or urbane—what they really have to be is nice."
- Give extra information. To get a conversation humming, add details, such as "I live on Spring Street near that fantastic bakery." "This gives others more topics to run with, so the conversation doesn't drop like a lead balloon," says Hilliard. "It does not have to be deep and intimate to be a meaningful connection."
- Don't just walk away. If the conversation stops for a moment, do you panic and rush off? Once you're sure it's time to conclude, summarize some points of connection, and express gratitude. That way, Carducci says, you'll be more confident about making plans for future contact. Jamie Sussel Turner, a New Jersey principal, met her future husband in an elevator when she turned to him and said, "So, are you here for the conference?"
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