Embracing Your Inner Flirt

From Icy to Spicy: Embracing Your Inner Flirt

You don't have to be scared of people you're attracted to.

• Create a carefree alter ego. Step outside your buttoned-down identity, so "you can say things you wouldn't ordinarily say and be more flirtatious," says Robert, who was a sought-after bachelor. "If you feel more playful, then you don't really care if they reject you or not." Pop star Beyonce, for instance, calls her sexy onstage persona "Sasha."
• Be agreeable. "Show others where you have similar attitudes," say Ann Demarais and Valerie White in First Impressions. "Everyone prefers to hear 'you're right' rather than 'you're wrong.' " Doing this not only affirms their intelligence and values, but also shows that you find them likable, which makes people feel good.
• Channel your infant appeal. When you were a baby, before you could ask or persuade, you would employ coy smiles and peekaboo eyes to attract loving attention. With only these charms, even strangers adored you. As adults, we shouldn't stifle our natural flirtatiousness, says Susan Rabin, author of How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace.
• Being friendly isn't teasing. Flirting just means letting other people know that you find them compelling. "When you show this attention, it doesn't have to mean that you intend to go any further," say Demarais and White. "It can be a way of creating a momentary world of 'you and me.' "
• "No" doesn't mean never. When you show interest, you'll sometimes get rejected. Quickly review to see if you committed a faux pas, but then go ahead and use defenses to avoid taking it personally, like blaming the other person's bad taste or assuming they must have had a bad day. "I want you to be spared pain and to make sure you continue flirting," explains Rabin. Now try your luck with someone else.