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Improving your playful communication skills

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Need More Relationship Help?Need Help with Your Communication?
It’s never too late to develop and embrace your playful, humorous side. Self-consciousness and concern for how you look and sound to others is probably a big factor that’s limiting your playfulness. But as a baby, you were naturally playful; you didn’t worry about the reactions of other people.

You can reclaim your inborn playfulness by setting aside regular, quality playtime. The more you joke, play, and laugh—the easier it becomes.
Cultivating your sense of humor and playfulness

The process of learning to play depends on your preferences. Begin by observing what you already do that borders on fun or playful. For example, do you like:
    telling or listening to jokes    watching funny movies or TV shows    dancing around to cheesy music when you’re alone    singing in the shower    daydreaming    reading the funny pages After you recognize things you already enjoy, you can try to incorporate more playful activities into …

Don’t use humor to cover up other emotions

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Humor and shared playfulness help you stay resilient in the face of life’s challenges. But there are times when humor is not healthy—when it is used as a cover for avoiding, rather than coping with, painful emotions. Laughter can be a disguise for feelings of hurt, fear, anger, and disappointment that you don’t want to feel or don’t know how to express.

You can be funny about the truth—but covering up the truth isn’t funny. When you use humor and playfulness as a cover for other emotions, you create confusion and mistrust in your relationships. The following are examples of misplaced humor:

Mike is a constant jokester. Nothing ever seems to get him down and he never takes anything seriously. No matter what happens to him or to anyone else, he makes a joke out of the situation. In reality, Mike is scared to death of dark feelings, conflict, and intimacy. He uses humor to avoid uncomfortable feelings and to keep other people at arm’s length.

Sharon is often jealous and possessive with …

Make sure both partners are in on the joke

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Humor and playfulness can strengthen relationships—but only when both people are in on the joke. It’s important to be sensitive to the other person. If your partner, friend, or colleague isn’t likely to appreciate the joke, don’t say or do it, even if it’s "all in good fun.” When playfulness is one-sided rather than mutual, it undermines trust and goodwill and damages the relationship.

 Consider the following example:
Michelle’s feet are always cold when she gets into bed, but she has what she thinks is a playful solution. She heats up her icy feet by placing them on her husband Kevin’s warm body. However, this isn’t a game he enjoys. Kevin has repeatedly told Michelle that he doesn’t appreciate being used as a foot warmer, but she just laughs at his complaints. Lately, Kevin has taken to sleeping at the far edge of the bed, a solution that distances them as a couple.

Playful communication in relationships should be equally fun and enjoyable for both people. If your friend or par…

Use humor to defuse conflict

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When conflict and disagreement throw a wrench in your relationships, humor and playfulness can help lighten things up and restore a sense of connection. Used skillfully and respectfully, playful humor can turn conflict into an opportunity for shared fun and intimacy. It allows you to get your point across without getting the other person’s defenses up or hurting their feelings. For example:

Lori’s husband comes home sweaty and dirty from his job. This turns her off, and she can’t imagine being intimate with him under these circumstances. But when she says he should take a bath, he gets angry and accuses her of not appreciating what he does for a living. So instead, Lori turns on the water, begins playfully peeling off his clothes, and joins him in the tub.

Alex is retired, but he still goes up on the roof to clean the gutters. His wife, Angie, has told him numerous times that it scares her when he gets up there on the ladder. Today, instead of her usual complaints, she yells up to him…

The health benefits of laughter

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Laughter and playfulness also come with numerous physical and mental health benefits. Laughter triggers a host of healthy changes in your brain and body.

Laughter helps you stay healthy by:
    Boosting your mood    Decreasing stress hormones    Improving oxygen flow to the brain    Reducing physical pain    Lowering blood pressure    Strengthening the immune system    Protecting the heart    Relaxing your bodyMental health benefits of laughter and humor
Better Health Through Humor, Laughter, and PlayBetter Health Through Humor, Laughter, and Play

Laughter is strong medicine for both the body and the mind. It helps you stay balanced, energetic, joyful, and healthy. Read Laughter is the Best Medicine

The mental health benefits of laughter are tied to the physical benefits. When your body is relaxed and energized, you are better able to think and communicate clearly. This helps you keep your own emotions in check, relate in a positive way to others, and resolve conflict.

Laughter is a par…

The power of laughter and play

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Communication in Relationships
The power of laughter and play

Playful communication is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships exciting, fresh, and vital. Laughter and play enrich your interactions and give your relationships that extra zing that keeps them interesting, light, and enjoyable. This shared pleasure creates a sense of intimacy and connection—qualities that define solid, lasting relationships.

People are attracted to happy, funny individuals. Laughter draws others to you and keeps them by your side. When you laugh with one another, a positive bond is created. This bond acts as a strong buffer against stress, disagreements, and disappointment. And laughter really is contagious—just hearing laughter primes your brain to smile and join in on the fun.

Playful communication helps you:
    Connect to others. Your health and happiness depend, to a large degree, on the quality of your relationships—and laughter binds people together.    Smooth over differences. Usin…

Learning important lessons from a divorce or breakup

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In times of emotional crisis, there is an opportunity to grow and learn. Just because you are feeling emptiness in your life right now, doesn’t mean that nothing is happening or that things will never change. Consider this period a time-out, a time for sowing the seeds for new growth. You can emerge from this experience knowing yourself better and feeling stronger.

In order to fully accept a breakup and move on, you need to understand what happened and acknowledging the part you played. It’s important to understand how the choices you made affected the relationship. Learning from your mistakes is the key to not repeating them.

Some questions to ask yourself:
    Step back and look at the big picture. How did you contribute to the problems of the relationship?    Do you tend to repeat the same mistakes or choose the wrong person in relationship after relationship?    Think about how you react stress and deal with conflict and insecurities. Could you act in a more constructive way?    Co…

Taking care of yourself after a divorce or relationship breakup

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A divorce is a highly stressful, life-changing event. When you’re going through the emotional wringer and dealing with major life changes, it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. The strain and upset of a major breakup can leave you psychologically and physically vulnerable.

Treat yourself like you’re getting over the flu. Get plenty of rest, minimize other sources of stress in your life, and reduce your workload if possible.

Learning to take care of yourself can be one of the most valuable lessons you learn following a divorce or breakup. As you feel the emotions of your loss and begin learning from your experience, you can resolve to take better care of yourself and make positive choices going forward.

Self-care tips:
    Make time each day to nurture yourself. Help yourself heal by scheduling daily time for activities you find calming and soothing. Go for a walk in nature, listen to music, enjoy a hot bath, get a massage, read a favorite book, take a yoga class, or …

Reach out to others for support through the grieving process

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Support from others is critical to healing after a breakup or divorce. You might feel like being alone, but isolating yourself will only make this time more difficult. Don’t try to get through this on your own.

Reach out to trusted friends and family members. People who have been through painful breakups or divorces can be especially helpful. They know what it is like and they can assure you that there is hope for healing and new relationships.

    Spend time with people who support, value, and energize you. As you consider who to reach out to, choose wisely. Surround yourself with people who are positive and who truly listen to you. It’s important that you feel free to be honest about what you’re going through, without worrying about being judged, criticized, or told what to do.
    Get outside help if you need it. If reaching out to others doesn’t come naturally, consider seeing a counselor or joining a support group. The most important thing is that you have at least one place whe…

Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship

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Grief is a natural reaction to loss, and the breakup or divorce of a love relationship involves multiple losses:

    Loss of companionship and shared experiences (which may or may not have been consistently pleasurable)
    Loss of support, be it financial, intellectual, social, or emotional
    Loss of hopes, plans, and dreams (can be even more painful than practical losses)

Allowing yourself to feel the pain of these losses may be scary. You may fear that your emotions will be too intense to bear, or that you’ll be stuck in a dark place forever. Just remember that grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is precisely what helps you let go of the old relationship and move on. And no matter how strong your grief, it won’t last forever.
Tips for grieving after a breakup or divorce:

    Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s …

Healing after a divorce or breakup

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Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good? A divorce or breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief.

A breakup or divorce launches us into uncharted territory. Everything is disrupted: your routine and responsibilities, your home, your relationships with extended family and friends, and even your identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without your partner? Will you find someone else? Will you end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.

Recovering from a breakup or divorce is difficult. However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.
C…

Understanding conflict in relationships

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Conflict arises from differences. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences look trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is at the core of the problem, such as a need to feel safe and secure, a need to feel respected and valued, or a need for greater closeness and intimacy.
Conflicts arise from differing needs


Everyone needs to feel understood, nurtured, and supported, but the ways in which these needs are met vary widely. Differing needs for feeling comfortable and safe create some of the most severe challenges in our personal and professional relationships.

Think about the conflicting need for safety and continuity versus the need to explore and take risks. You frequently see this conflict between toddlers and their parents. The child’s need is to explore, so the street or the cliff meets a need. But the parents’ need is to protect the child’s safety, so limiting…

Maintaining good health (Helping Yourself to a Better Sex Life)

Your sexual well-being goes hand in hand with your overall mental, physical, and emotional health. Therefore, the same healthy habits you rely on to keep your body in shape can also shape up your sex life.

Exercise, exercise, exercise

Physical activity is first and foremost among the healthy behaviors that can improve your sexual functioning. Because physical arousal depends greatly on good blood flow, aerobic exercise (which strengthens your heart and blood vessels) is crucial. And exercise offers a wealth of other health benefits, from staving off heart disease, osteoporosis, and some forms of cancer to improving your mood and helping you get a better night's sleep. Also, don't forget to include strength training.

Don't smoke

Smoking contributes to peripheral vascular disease, which affects blood flow to the penis, clitoris, and vaginal tissues. In addition, women who smoke tend to go through menopause two years earlier than their nonsmoking counterparts. If you need help …

Using self-help strategies (Helping Yourself to a Better Sex Life)

Treating sexual problems is easier now than ever before. Revolutionary medications and professional sex therapists are there if you need them. But you may be able to resolve minor sexual issues by making a few adjustments in your lovemaking style. Here are some things you can try at home.

Educate yourself

Plenty of good self-help materials are available for every type of sexual issue. Browse the Internet or your local bookstore, pick out a few resources that apply to you, and use them to help you and your partner become better informed about the problem. If talking directly is too difficult, you and your partner can underline passages that you particularly like and show them to each other.

Privacy concerns and Internet use

The Internet is a valuable source of all types of information, including books and other products (such as sex toys) that can enhance your sex life. Although it may be obvious, never use your workplace computer to do such searches, to avoid potential embarrassment wit…

Talking to your partner (Helping Yourself to a Better Sex Life)

Many couples find it difficult to talk about sex even under the best of circumstances. When sexual problems occur, feelings of hurt, shame, guilt, and resentment can halt conversation altogether. Because good communication is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, establishing a dialogue is the first step not only to a better sex life, but also to a closer emotional bond. Here are some tips for tackling this sensitive subject.

Find the right time to talk
There are two types of sexual conversations: the ones you have in the bedroom and the ones you have elsewhere. It's perfectly appropriate to tell your partner what feels good in the middle of lovemaking, but it's best to wait until you're in a more neutral setting to discuss larger issues, such as mismatched sexual desire or orgasm troubles.

Avoid criticizing
Couch suggestions in positive terms, such as, "I really love it when you touch my hair lightly that way," rather than focusing on the negatives. Approach a …

Setting the stage for effective nonverbal communication

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Need More Help with Nonverbal Communication?

Nonverbal communication is a rapidly flowing back-and-forth process. Successful nonverbal communication depends on your ability to manage stress, recognize your own emotions, and understand the signals you’re sending and receiving.

This requires your full concentration and attention. If you are planning what you’re going to say next, daydreaming, or thinking about something else, you are almost certain to miss nonverbal cues and other subtleties in the conversation. You need to stay focused on the moment-to-moment experience in order to fully understand what’s going on.

To improve nonverbal communication, learn to manage stress
Learning how to manage stress in the heat of the moment is one of the most important things you can do to improve your nonverbal communication. Stress compromises your ability to communicate. When you’re stressed out, you’re more likely to misread other people, send confusing or off-putting nonverbal signals, and la…

How nonverbal communication can go wrong

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It takes more than words to create satisfying, strong relationships. Nonverbal communication has a huge impact on the quality of your personal and professional relationships. What you communicate through your body language and nonverbal signals affects how others see you, how well they like and respect you, and whether or not they trust you.

Unfortunately, many people send confusing or negative nonverbal signals without even knowing it. When this happens, both connection and trust are damaged.

Nonverbal communication and body language in relationships
Ted, Arlene, and Jack are all articulate speakers who say one thing while communicating something else nonverbally, with disastrous results in their relationships:

Jack
gets along with his colleagues at work, but not with those who matter most to him. If you were to ask them why, they would say that Jack is “too intense.” Rather than look at you, he devours you with his eyes. And if he takes your hand, he lunges to get it and then squeezes…

Types of nonverbal communication and body language

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There are many different types of nonverbal communication. Together, the following nonverbal signals and cues communicate your interest and investment in others.

Facial expressions
The human face is extremely expressive, able to express countless emotions without saying a word. And unlike some forms of nonverbal communication, facial expressions are universal. The facial expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust are the same across cultures.

Body movements and posture
Consider how your perceptions of people are affected by the way they sit, walk, stand up, or hold their head. The way you move and carry yourself communicates a wealth of information to the world. This type of nonverbal communication includes your posture, bearing, stance, and subtle movements.

Gestures
Gestures are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. We wave, point, beckon, and use our hands when we’re arguing or speaking animatedly—expressing ourselves with gestures often without thinki…

What is nonverbal communication and body language?

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Nonverbal communication, or body language, is a vital form of communication—a natural, unconscious language that broadcasts our true feelings and intentions in any given moment, and clues us in to the feelings and intentions of those around us.

When we interact with others, we continuously give and receive wordless signals. All of our nonverbal behaviors—the gestures we make, the way we sit, how fast or how loud we talk, how close we stand, how much eye contact we make—send strong messages. These messages don’t stop when you stop speaking either. Even when you’re silent, you’re still communicating nonverbally.

Oftentimes, what we say and what we communicate through body language are two totally different things. When faced with these mixed signals, the listener has to choose whether to believe your verbal or nonverbal message, and, in most cases, they’re going to choose nonverbal.

Why nonverbal communication matters
The way you listen, look, move, and react tells the other person whe…

Causes of insecure attachment

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Major causes of insecure attachments include:


physical neglect — poor nutrition, insufficient exercise, and neglect of medical issuesemotional neglect or emotional abuse — little attention paid to child, little or no effort to understand child’s feelings; verbal abusephysical or sexual abuse — physical injury or violationseparation from primary caregiver — due to illness, death, divorce, adoptioninconsistency in primary caregiver — succession of nannies or staff at daycare centersfrequent moves or placements — constantly changing environment; for example: children who spend their early years in orphanages or who move from foster home to foster hometraumatic experiences — serious illnesses or accidentsmaternal depression — withdrawal from maternal role due to isolation, lack of social support, hormonal problemsmaternal addiction to alcohol or other drugs — maternal responsiveness reduced by mind-altering substancesyoung or inexperienced mother — lacks parenting skills

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

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Need More Help with Relationships?


Insecurity can be a significant problem in our lives, and it takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:


Tune out and turn off—If our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may—as children—get lost in our own inner world, avoiding any close, emotional connections. As adults, we may become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.Remain insecure—If we have a parent who is inconsistent or intrusive, it’s likely we will become anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. As adults, we may be available one moment and rejecting the next.Become disorganized, aggressive and angry—When our early needs for emotional closeness go unfulfilled, or when a parent's behavior is a source of disorientation or terror, problems are sure to follow. As adults, we may not love easily and may be insensitiv…

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

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For better or worse, the infant brain is profoundly influenced by the attachment bond—a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:

feel safedevelop meaningful connections with othersexplore our worlddeal with stressbalance emotionsexperience comfort and securitymake sense of our livescreate positive memories and expectations of relationshipsAttachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers don’t have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in tune with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally ava…

What is the attachment bond?

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The mother–child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.
The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
shaping all of our future relationshipsstrengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselvesthe ability to bounce back from misfortune
Research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, are those where both mother and infant can sense the other’s feelings and emotions. In other words, an infant feels safe and understood when the mother responds to their cries and accurately interprets their changing needs. Unsuccessful or insecure attachment occurs when there is a failure in this communi…

Attachment, bonding and relationships

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You were born preprogrammed to bond with one very significant person—your primary caregiver, probably your mother. Like all infants, you were a bundle of emotions—intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy. The emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. The bonding you experienced determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life, because it established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

Individuals who experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This limits their ability to build or maintain successful relationships. Attachment—the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers—is responsible for:


shaping the success or failure …

If you need more romantic relationship help and advice

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Sometimes problems in a relationship may seem too complex or overwhelming for a couple to handle on their own. In that case, it’s important to reach out together for help. There are a number of options available, including:


Couples counseling. You might be considering couples counseling or marriage counseling. It’s a big investment, and time, energy, focus and commitment are needed from both people to make a difference. Both parties need to be willing and able to honestly communicate what you need, face issues arising in counseling and make changes. It’s important also that both people feel comfortable with the counselor.Spiritual advice. Some couples benefit from spiritual advice from a religious figure such as a pastor or rabbi. This tends to work best if both persons have similar convictions of faith and have a good relationship with the spiritual advisor.Emotional Intelligence building. Try using Helpguide's Bring Your Life into Balance mindfulness toolkit, a free utility for …

Expect ups and downs

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It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.


Relationship advice for getting through life’s ups and downs

Don’t take out your problems on your partner. Life stresses can make us short tempered. If you are coping with a lot of stress, it might seem easier to vent with your partner, and even feel safer to snap at him or her. Fighting like this might initially feel like a release, but it slowly poisons your relationship. Find other ways to vent your anger and frustration.Some problems are bi…

Healthy relationships are built on give and take

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If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

Recognize what’s important to your partner
Knowing what is truly important to your partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of compromise. On the flip side, it’s also important for your partner to recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Constantly giving to others at the expense of your own needs builds resentment and anger.

Don’t make “winning” your goal
If you approach your partner with the attitude that things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. Sometimes this attitude comes from not having your needs met while younger, or it could be years of accumulated resentment in the relationship reaching a boiling point. It’s alright to have strong convictio…

Never stop communicating

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Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.
Learn your partner’s emotional cues
Each of us is a little different in how we best receive information. Some people might respond better to sight, sound or touch. Your partner’s responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your partner’s cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For example, one person might find a brief massage after a stressful day a loving mode of communication—while another might just want to talk over a hot cup of tea.
So much of our communication is transmitted by what we don’t say. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm communicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, e…

Spend quality time together

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You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.



Simple ways to connect as a couple and rekindle love
Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong. Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning. Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to conne…

Keep physical intimacy alive

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Touch is a fundamental part of human existence. Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed.

Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship. Regular, affectionate touch­—holding hands, hugging, or kissing—is equally important.


Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what…

How to strengthen your romantic relationship and make love last

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Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:

 What makes a healthy love relationship?
Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there. Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, …

Red flag dating and relationship behavior

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If you’re dating or in the early stages of a romantic relationship it’s important to be aware of red flag behaviors that may indicate this will not be a solid, lasting love:
The relationship is alcohol dependent. You only communicate well—have fun, talk, make love—when one or both of you are under the influence of alcohol or other substances.There’s trouble making a commitment. For some people commitment is much more difficult than others. It's harder for them to trust others or to understand the benefits of a long-term relationship because of previous experiences or an unstable home life growing up. Nonverbal communication is off between you. Instead of wanting to connect with you, the other person’s attention is on other things such as texting or watching TV.Jealousy about outside interests. One partner doesn’t like the other spending time with friends and family members outside the relationship. Controlling behavior. There is a desire on the part of one pe…

Handling rejection when dating and looking for love

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At some point, everyone looking for love is going to have to deal with rejection—both as the person being rejected and the person doing the rejecting. Some people can be overcome with anger, embarrassment, or anxiety when faced with rejection, or are so frightened of it happening again, they avoid dating or starting new relationships. Others find it so difficult to reject another person, they find themselves caught up in prolonged, unhealthy relationships.
By staying positive and being honest with yourself and others, handling rejection can be far less intimidating. The key is to accept that rejection is an inevitable part of dating but to not spend too much time worrying about it. It’s never fatal.

Tips for handling rejection when dating and looking for love

Don’t take it personally. If you’re rejected after one or a few dates, the other person doesn’t is likely only rejecting you for superficial reasons you have no control over—some people just prefer blonde…

How to move from dating to lasting love

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All relationships change over time. You’ll change over time, your partner will change, and so will your needs and expectations. What you want from a relationship at the beginning may be very different from what you and your partner want from that same relationship a few months or years down the road.

For a romantic relationship to blossom into lasting love you need to be willing and able to:
Invest in the relationship. No relationship will run smoothly without regular attention, so ask yourself if you are willing to invest the time and effort into this relationship. Often, after the initial blush of romance has faded, couples switch off from one another, but the more you invest in each other, the more you grow to care. Find things you enjoy doing together and commit to spending the time to do them, even when you’re busy or stressed. Communicate openly. Is your partner interested in your thoughts and feelings? Are you comfortable expressing your own opinions, thoughts, and feelings ar…

Tips on dating and looking for love

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Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. It will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special. Remember that first impressions aren't reliable. Especially when it comes to Internet dating, people don’t always accurately portray themselves. Regardless of where or how you meet someone, though, it always takes time to really get to know that person. You have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations, some good and some not so good, before you really know him or her. How well does this person hold up under pressure when things don't go well or when they're tired, frustrated, or hungry, for example? Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has them and for a relationship to last you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be. In ma…

Tips on dating and where to find lasting love

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Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services such as speed dating may prove successful and enjoyable for some people, but for many they lack any kind of spontaneity and often feel more like high-pressure job interviews than fun social occasions. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.



Think of your time as a single person as a great opportunity to meet new people, expand your social circle, and participate in new events. Instead of scouring dating sites or hanging out in pick-up bars, find and participate in activities that interest you. You don’t have to be the life of the party but just by putting yourself in a new environment, you might meet interesting new people. Even if you don’t meet that special someone, you will still have enjoyed yourself and maybe forged new friendships.

Volunteer for a favorite charity, animal shelter, or political campaign. Or even try a volunteer vacation (…

Expectations about dating and finding love

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When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of (often unrealistic) expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. However, retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.


Realistic expectations when looking for love The first step to finding a suitable partner is to distinguish between what you want and what you need in a partner. Wants are negotiable, needs are not. Needs are those things that matter to you most, such as values, ambitions, or goals in life. These are probably not the things you can find out about a person by eyeing them on the s…

Obstacles to finding lasting love

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Life as a single person offers many rewards, including learning how to build a healthy relationship with yourself. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also be very frustrating.

Maybe you’re confused about why you seem to end up in relationships that don’t last, or perhaps you’re angry and wonder why you keep repeating the same bad choices when it comes to dating and forming relationships. Or maybe you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Well, healthy relationships do exist. But few, if any, are perfect. They all require work, compromise, and a willingness to resolve conflict in a positive way.


What is a healthy relationship?
A healthy relationship is when two peopledevelop a connection based on:
Mutual respectTrustHonestySupportFairness/equalitySeparate identitiesGood communicationA sens…