Friday, January 30, 2015

Spirituality Can Save Your Relationship

Most of us believe in some “Higher Power” greater than ourselves; call it God, Mother Earth, the Universe, Nature, Energy or something else. We see this tremendously complex, massive and elaborate place called Earth and often contemplate our role within it.

As we continue through our lives, the desire to live a spiritual existence often follows. Though we may follow different spiritual paths, most of us pray, worship, and choose to believe in some transcendentally higher purpose. This can certainly impact our relationships, as we often desire share these spiritual elements of our lives with our significant other.

There are numerous dynamics in our relationships, but spirituality does seem to play a primary role for many couples. The reasons for spiritual connectedness differ, but one common element is the thinking that it may empower and sustain the relationship itself. This makes sense, as spirituality is commonly associated with feelings of peace, harmony, love, and presence – elements that are often missing from intimate relationships.

Many of us do, in fact, choose to pursue our spiritual journey with a beloved someone. Research shows that those who do seemingly experience an enhanced quality of life. The benefits of many spiritually connected couples includes: economic success, a longer lifespan, better physical health, and a more stable, productive environment for children.
But why is belief a stabilizing factor in relationships? Is there something to the notion that a “family that prays together, stays together”?

1. Spiritual connectedness increases happiness

Those who share similar spiritual beliefs often have longer relationships. In what is considered to be the first significant study associated with relationship and belief across ethnic lines, researchers concluded that a definitive link exists between a couple’s belief and the satisfaction derived from a relationship.
Researchers found that about 40 percent of African-Americans, 29 percent of whites, and 29 percent of Hispanics attended religious services with their significant other on a regular basis.
Outside of the study, white couples have been recorded as having more satisfactory relationships. However, this gap narrows when taking into account religious or spiritual connection. In other words, non-whites that share a spiritual connection often have deeper relationships than Caucasians.
Bradford Wilcox, co-author and director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, states: “What this study suggests is that religion is one of the key factors narrowing the racial divide in relationship quality in the United States.”

2. Spiritual couples are (emotionally) healthier

In a Columbia University study, spiritual or religious practices often thicken the brain region associated with counteracting depression.

According to Lisa Miller, professor and director of Clinical Psychology at Columbia University: “The new study links this extremely large protective benefit of spirituality or religion to previous studies which identified large expanses of the cortical thinning in specific regions of the brain…at risk for major depression.”
Taking into account that depression is one of the major causes of divorce, the results of this study are immensely important. The devoted are apparently better equipped biologically to counteract the precursors of depression, which can have a positive impact on the emotional satisfaction one derives from their relationship.

3. Prayer increases commitment

Prayer seemingly increases commitment for each other. An aspect of prayer where one partner devotes time praying for the other – shows an increase in levels of commitment and relationship satisfaction.
The participant groups – 316 college students and 205 married, African-American couples – demonstrated similar results in relationship commitment and satisfaction. The couples also reported feeling more confident in the stability of their relationship.

4. Spirituality = Kindness

People often use acts of kindness as a benchmark for how effective spiritual and religious practices are. This is fair, considering that many “religious” or “spiritual” people are far from what is generally considered “kind.”
The same can be said for how people measure the effectiveness of spiritual or religious practice within a relationship. Do these practices make a difference in how couples treat one another? Research says “yes.”
In the Journal of Family Psychology, 164 married couples who were about to have their first child – a very stressful event – were tested to see if proclaimed spirituality had a real (non-anecdotal) effect on the relationship.
Interactions between the couples were recorded on four occasions: during late pregnancy stages, and the baby’s age at 3 months, 6 months, and 12 months. The couples were required to rate both their own and their partner’s spiritually intimate behaviors during these times, while giving their viewpoint on the sanctity of their marriage.
After analyzing both the behaviors and ratings of each couple, there was ‘noted positive behaviors such as mutual problem solving, asking for the other person’s point of view, affection, and shared humor.’ “Spiritual intimacy is very, very important and undeniably a construct that matters,” says Dr. Annette Mahoney, psychology professor at Bowling Green State University and the study’s lead author.

5. Spirituality relieves stress

Stress, in varying degrees, plays a role in each of our lives – work, kids, finances, family obligations, etc. Spirituality helps to relieve these stressors in a few different ways, specifically by helping you:
– Connect with yourself and the world.
– Expand your support network.
– Feel a sense of purpose.
– Have a healthier life.
– Release control.
You’ll notice that each of these plays a direct role in our relationships. Health, connectedness, purpose, control, and support are all applicable in how healthy (or unhealthy) your relationships are.
More importantly, in relieving stress through spiritual or religious practices, you diminish the likelihood that stress will negatively impact your relationship. Spirituality does this by nurturing your relationship and creating a deeper understanding and appreciation of your loved one.

“Spiritual relationship is far more precious than physical. Physical relationship divorced from spiritual is body without soul.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Find Your Flow and Flourish

1. Visualize what you want your life to look like.

Before anything begins to manifest in the physical realm, you must first envision what your dream life would consist of. The idea that the reality we see every day begins as vibrational energy held at the same frequency for an extended period of time before it exists physically has been coined “The Law of Attraction.” This elusive concept seems foreign to many people, but it becomes easier to understand if you break it down in laymen terms.
Basically, what you repeatedly think becomes what you repeatedly do, and all of this determines what reality you see every day. To live a life you really want, you must align your thoughts and actions with the reality you seek. The energy you put out into the world comes back to you, so make sure you pay attention to your thoughts; you’re subconsciously creating your reality at this very moment with your mind!

2. Buy a vision board and write down your goals.

Ask yourself these five questions:
  • What do I want to do with my life?
  • What are my unique talents?
  • What makes me happy?
  • How can I get from where I am now to where I want to be?
  • How much money do I need to live how I want to?
Write down your answers to these questions, and keep the board somewhere clearly visible to you. In particular, pay attention to your answer to #4. Your response to this will determine the answers to all of the other questions, because where you want to be likely includes more money, happiness, and a fulfilling career already.
Now, you just need to create actionable goals with a clear timeline, work on your goals every day, and see your life vision transform into manifestation!

3. Follow the lead of the Universe

In the book “Into the Wind” by Jake Ducey, he travels the world with $8,000 and no plan other than to follow the flow, help others, and find himself. He accomplished all three of these things, but he allowed himself to be carried by the powerful jet stream of the universe, and didn’t ever doubt where it was taking him or what plans it had for him in the future. He surrendered to the natural order of the world, and tested the power of the human spirit in the process. You can do exactly what he did in your own special way, but you must believe that you came here for a purpose.
The source-of-all, Spirit, God, or whatever you prefer to call it, can co-create your reality if you choose to open yourself up to infinite possibilities.

4. Limit your technology use.

Phones and computers offer great resources for learning new concepts, but spending time without it will help your creativity flourish. Technology tends to stifle inner growth because it becomes addicting after a while, and takes away our power to think and create independently. Think about it – how many times do you check emails, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter each day? Probably more than you can count, if you’re like most people.
Instead of mindlessly scrolling through the social networks, use that time to cultivate your passions and work on yourself. Your life will become much more meaningful and gratifying to you once you dig deep and use your passions to create a life you truly love.

5. Get your creative juices flowing.

If you want to become an active creator in your life, rather than just a spectator, you will have to use your imagination to get things started. It might seem a little strange at first to use your creative energy, because our world runs on mostly left-brained, linear thinking. However, find an activity you enjoy that makes you come alive with boundless inventive energy, such as yoga, writing, painting, dancing, rock-climbing, or anything else you can think of. Just immerse yourself in some sort of activity that requires more doing rather than thinking. Too much thinking encourages stagnation, whereas doing inspires new ideas through movement.

6. Give your mind and body adequate rest.

Working on your life requires a lot of energy, especially in the beginning, so make sure you get at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night so you can recharge your batteries. Finding your flow has just as much to do with proper self-care as it does with setting intentions and taking action.
For example, you could tune up your car and install the highest-powered engine in the world, but if you run your car into the ground, the engine does no good. Your body and mind need some R&R if you want them to run optimally and help you in your quest to become your best self.

7. Try things you thought you couldn’t do.

Take a speaking class, go skydiving, talk to strangers, attempt to stand on your head, or try eating totally raw foods for a week. Do things you previously thought were impossible, and make them possible. You will grow your confidence exponentially by getting uncomfortable often, and it will help you evolve creatively as well. You will begin to see the full spectrum of your potential, and develop the “yes” mentality about life that the universe has wanted you to have all along!

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