When we feel disconnected and unfulfilled, when we long to feel loved and make others feel loved, we may try to fill the void with habits and distractions that numb and distance us from our emotions. We may eat too much, drink too much, shop too much, or obsess too much. The trouble is that the reprieve these actions provide is only temporary, and by distracting ourselves like this, we end up living lives that take us further and further away from the experience of feeling loved and making others feel loved.
In college, Max was a star soccer player loved by fans around the country. But after graduation and a knee operation, he stopped playing and slowly grew overweight. To make matters worse, he didn’t like his job and lived alone, and had no one to confide in. Whenever he was upset, angry, lonely, stressed, exhausted, or bored, he turned to food. Eating allowed him to momentarily feel better, but the weight he gained made him feel unattractive and less willing to reach out to make new friends.
Carol couldn’t seem to get enough stuff–fancier cars and more dresses and shoes then she could ever need. Many of her friends thought she was just having fun, but in reality the shopping distracted her from her emotionally abusive husband at home who made her feel worthless.
Devon's fear of insects was so intense that even in the hottest weather he insisted on keeping all his windows closed. He also repeated an elaborate ritual to check for insects every night before getting into bed. These obsessive and compulsive behaviors began when his over-protective parents began a private war using their relationship with Devon to hurt one another.
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